Chapter 1

As this anniversary approached, Valerie got quiet. It happened every April without fail. She would start to drift into a place where she seethed; a barely controlled rage just simmering beneath the surface. A rage that made her friends have that concerned look. Her closest friend, Kallie, had urged her to get away; to do something other than allow the memories to rile her up like that. She usually spent these days pacing around her huge house in Albany – the house she and her husband had hoped in and dreamed in and played in and loved in, but that now sat as a mocking reminder of the sham of their marriage.

It was time to let go. On some level, Valerie knew that. She just didn’t know how. She couldn’t find anyone that could make her forget what that man did to her. It had been almost two years since the policeman had come to the door with terrible news. At first, she was confused. How could her husband be dead? Here? In a hotel room in Albany? He was at a conference in California, so they must be mistaken. There was no mistake, however, nor was there any mistaking the decidedly young, not-a-sister woman in the hotel room with him. The woman’s boyfriend had followed them to the hotel, and killed them both, then himself, in a jealous rage.

The grief over losing her husband had come swiftly, and went just the same; too quickly, Valerie thought, but the anger and mistrust was still there. And, at this time of the year, the anniversary of his death, the anger was always stronger than ever.

Two years, and she still hadn’t been able to let go – not really. They had been in love once. Hopelessly, desperately, I’ll-die-if-I-can’t-be-with-you in love. Back then, she could catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of her eye and tell you exactly what he was wearing. Back then, she could hear his voice in a stadium full of people and hone in on it, hearing every word he spoke with absolute clarity. Back then, she couldn’t get enough of his body, of his strength and smells and taste.

Now, she couldn’t clearly recall his face, but remembered he was beautiful. Now, she could no longer really remember the timbre of his voice, but had a notion it was deep and quiet. She couldn’t remember the weight of his body on hers, but her body remembered the feelings and sensations of being cherished. The betrayal was so complete, that she hadn’t been able to even look at another man, especially a good-looking one. Maybe now it was time.

“Val, I love you, but you’re going to have to get over this. It has been two years.” Kallie echoed her thoughts. They’d been friends for so long and as close as sisters, that they often joked that they shared a brain, and must have been twins in a former life. The two women were having coffee at a local shop.

“I know, K,” Valerie said. “I’m trying, but nothing is working.”

Kallie laughed at her friend. “You call what you’ve been doing ‘trying’? You’ve been on exactly ten dates in the last year and a half.” When Valerie looked like she was going to interrupt, Kallie held up a slender hand. “I’m being generous, and giving you the first six months to grieve, but I think you were done with that in six days.”

Valerie smiled. Her friend was right. She hadn’t really made an effort to get back out there. Frankly, it was too much hassle. And for what? For someone to make her feel love again just to dash her emotions and hopes and dreams again? No thank you. She said as much to her friend.

“Val, you’ll never get over until you get on,” Kallie sighed. “Take my advice, and get out of here. Go to the beach. You know how that soothes you. Head out to the Cape, or here,” she dug into her purse, and extracted a keyring. “Use my place in the Hamptons. It’s pretty dead this time of year out there, so you should be able to have privacy to work through your shit.”

Valerie hesitated before taking the keys from her friend. “I guess I could head out there tonight. I already arranged for someone to cover my shifts at the restaurant for a couple of days --”

“Good,” Kallie interrupted. “You’re a real bitch to the customers when this time of the year comes around.”

Valerie laughed. “Yeah, I know. I think things are slow at the office…” she trailed off, thinking about her crappy day job. “Alright, I’ll go. I’ll spend a few days on the beach and get my life back into perspective.”
Kallie stood. “I’ll help you pack. You never know who you’ll meet when you’re out there.”

Valerie stood to embrace her friend. “You’re crazy. I’m not going to –” she saw the look on her friend’s face. There was no talking her out of this. She smiled. “What would I do without you to give me a kick in the ass when I need it?” she asked.

Kallie laughed. “You will never have to find out, my dear. You’re stuck with me forever.”

The two women left a tip on their table and left.